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At the gym this morning, I was on the elliptical watching muted, close-captioned news (with that, like, ten second delay between moving lips and scrolling words that really only bothers me when I try and watch The View and Elisabeth Hasselbeck won’t shut up.) when I saw an ad that caught my eye. It was a commercial for CNN’sAmerica’s Choice 2012.”

iVoices, iChoices.

iVoices, iChoices.

AMERICA IT’S TIME TO CHOOSE flashed on screen in an attractive, flag-themed graphic, followed by a few YouTube-style talking heads, unmistakably homemade in that poorly-lit, too-close-up sort of way. Following these appeared CHOOSE YOUR ISSUES. Then, CHOOSE YOUR VOICE. This was followed by brief shots of Americans, existing, then more talking selfies, more Americans presumably utilizing their Chosen Voices to voice their Chosen Issues. THE ONLY SIDE WE CHOOSE, the ad concluded, IS YOURS.

I thought about this final assertion for a moment, and it struck me as nonsensical. How could CNN (of all entities) claim to choose everyone’s side? It stunk of that sort of lame agreeability of young relationships, the sort where you say, “I want to watch whatever you want to watch,” when really you’d sooner stare at the wall than watch another episode of Whitney. This line of thinking distracted me briefly, causing me to lose my elliptical footing so that I found my ellipses(?) ellipsing in sudden, awkward reverse.
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